My boss' voice literally gives me gas
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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