if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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