No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
