i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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