My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
