I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize