Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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