The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
