She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
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