Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
