i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
