I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
