Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
