i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
