You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
