it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
