He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We have started to decorate penises.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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