Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
