4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
