I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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