Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
