i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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