i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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