yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
