peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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