Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
