Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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