ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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