I checked into jail on foursquare
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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