She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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