You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
