i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
