did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
