you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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