she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
