I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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