Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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