Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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