I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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