I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This baby is an asshole
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
