I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
sex in a hospital.. check
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
