I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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