no, he came in my armpit
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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