You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
