Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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