there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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