During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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