Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
