If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
