Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
