It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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