I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
