It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
