im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
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No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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