You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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