Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
wow bdsm is so cute
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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