ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
