is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
