so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
