Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
