Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
