it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
