I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
