The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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