Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
