My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
