Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
