you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
