My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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