The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
