ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
