I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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