Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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