I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
