u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
