My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
