So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
