my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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